everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
