I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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