yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
