I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
