those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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