Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
