I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
