woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
