I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am available for nakedness
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
