Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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