Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
