she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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