you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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