i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
