They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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