a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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