brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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