ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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