YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
