This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
