can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
