All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
