when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
