We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
