spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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