I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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