i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
where does the pee come out of this thing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
