i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
