You're my little dorito
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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