JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
