It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
