my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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