I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
