allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
