awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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