Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
