mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
