The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
