Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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