nut hugger
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
