you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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