Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
