so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
