OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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