Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
