Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
