then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
