I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
