She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
