There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
