Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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