one might say we're banned from that church
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
