3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
